The Best Day of Uchiha Itachis Life
by TRIGGER M00NSHIELD
Summary: After a day of horrible luck, Itachi stumbles across something revolutionary.. T rated for Hidans language


After tying back his hair that morning Itachi had activated his Sharingan and looked into the mirror to make sure he didn't miss any stray hairs.  
Straightening out a few, he vaguely wondered if all this time cooped up in the base was turning him into a narcissist.  
The last thing he wanted was to turn into Deidara, who spent so much time in the bathroom that he often had the rest of the Akatsuki queuing up in the mornings.  
So caught up was he, that Itachi failed to notice the bouncy footsteps making their way towards the bathroom door.

Tobi, never one to be under enthusiastic about, well… Anything, threw open the door and leaped into the room behind Itachi with a joyous shout.

Itachi's eyes widened in shock and he reflexively activated Tsukuyomi.  
And that was where it all went wrong.  
The Tsukuyomi rebounded off the mirror and back onto Itachi… Who promptly dropped to the floor, eyes glazed over and twitching in spasms.  
Tobi, seemingly unaware of the situation continued about his business, had a shower and left.

It was only until 15 minutes later when Kisame entered the room that Itachi was saved from Mangekyou Sharingan La La Land.

* * *

An hour later, after recovering from his own horrifying technique, Itachi had returned to his room with Kisame to lie down and relax.  
Enduring his own horror world for 72 hours was exhausting to say the least.  
And what better way to relax then shuffle through his special edition BBMN (Bingo Book Missing Nin) collector cards?  
Sighing in happiness, Itachi reached for his special Uchiha print aluminum box that they were safely hidden in.  
Frowning slightly at its lightness, he opened it carefully.

Silence in Kisame and Itachi's room was not an uncommon thing.  
Itachi never spoke much and Kisame never bothered to start a conversation.  
There are however, different kinds of silence.  
The silence that usually eclipsed the room was a comfortable, light hearted silence.  
The silence that graced the room now was dark and menacing and Kisame immediately picked up on it.  
Hoping for the best, Kisame turned around to find Itachi sitting on his bed with his mouth open in a horrified gape and tears in the corner of his eyes.  
Kisames gaze fell to the small box in his hands where Itachi kept his most prized possession – his special edition BBMN cards.  
They were gone.  
A feeling of absolute mind numbing terror descended upon Kisame.

Hide Itachi's shoes and he will shake his head at your insolence.  
Write in Itachi's diary and he will swear quietly under his breath when he thinks no one is looking.  
Sabotage Itachi's eye drops and he will set a kunai trap in your room.  
Use bad grammar around Itachi and he will avoid you for a week.  
But steal Itachi's BBMN cards…  
It was breaking an unspoken rule.  
Kind of like the never-feed-Tobi-after-midnight rule.  
Kisame had a feeling that Pein may have to replace several Akatsuki members after today.

Glancing from the box in his room-mates hands back up to Itachi, Kisame froze in fright.  
Itachi, seemingly over his shock was glaring dangerously at him, Mangekyou Sharingan activated.

"Kisame…"

Shaking in fear and stuttering in horror Kisame hesitantly replied, "Y-Yes..?"

"Did you remove my special edition Bingo Book Missing Nin collector cards from their box?"

Shaking his head violently and moving back a few paces Kisame shook his head, "No…"

Itachi glared for a second longer, then sighed, stood quietly and left the room.  
Some one was going to pay.

* * *

Itachi's quest to find his Special Edition Bingo Book Missing Nin collector cards was an abysmal failure.  
Only Kisame knew of his secret love of those precious cards so Itachi had to conduct his search in secret without alerting any one of what he was looking for.

Itachi had only to look at a room and see what was out of place – courtesy of his Sharingan.  
He had been through the kitchen, the laundry room, the lounge room, Deidara's art studio, Sasori and Deidara's room, Konan's side of the base and had even snuck up to Peins attic to observe any changes.

Kakuzu was in a particularly violent mood today so Itachi had decided not to bother looking in his room.  
He hadn't searched Hidans room because the priest usually bunked with Kakuzu (for rent of course) and used his assigned bedroom as a sacrificial chamber.

No matter where he looked, his lifes joy was nowhere to be found.

Walking along the hallway hunched over in defeat, Itachi fought to keep his tears down.  
Uchiha's don't cry.  
He gave in after a second and sniffled a little.  
Itachi was so drowned in his sorrow that he almost missed the quietly giggling coming from Hidan's sacrificial chamber.  
Furrowing his eyebrows and leaning closer, Itachi pressed his ear to the door in hopes of catching the conversation.

"Where did you find these, hmm?"

"In Fish-fuck and Pink-eye's room, seriously."

"But why did you take them, un?"

"They were pretty well fucking hidden, I don't think Itachi is the kind to have a secret love for these.  
We can probably use them for blackmail against Kisame."

Itachi opened his mouth in shock.  
Kisame usually got BBMN cards as a present but seeing as he had no interest in them, he just handed them over to gleeful Itachi.  
Every one was under the impression that Kisame loved BBMN cards.  
Being special edition cards they were almost priceless, easy blackmail/hostage material.  
And now Hidan had gotten a hold of them and was getting his filthy, greasy, possibly bloodstained hands all over them.  
Growling in fury, Itachi activated his Sharingan and slammed open the door.  
Hidan and Deidara jumped 6 feet in the air and looked at the fuming Uchiha fretfully.

"Where are they…?"

Hidan and Deidara glanced at each other in fright.  
Itachi's words were more of a threat that a question.  
Even the immortal, greasy haired priest was scared at the black aura emanating from Itachi's furious form.  
Shakily the two shit-scared infamous S-rank criminals pointed behind them.  
Itachi stalked over with a scowl before abruptly stopping, eyes wide in shock.  
Sitting beside the TV was Kisame's secret stash of porno's, one of which was currently playing.

Letting out a strangled cry at what he was seeing, Itachi bolted out of the room with blood leaking from his nose and his eyes squeezed shut.  
Hidan and Deidara exchanged worried looks.

Hesitantly Deidara whispered, "Maybe they were Itachi's, un…"  
Hidan nodded his head in surprise and replied,

"I guess so. I would have run out of the room crying if someone had discovered my stash of porn too. Seriously."

* * *

Itachi ran back into his room and slammed the door shut.  
In an instant he was leaning against it chest heaving and eyes wide.  
From across the room Kisame looked at the Uchiha hesitantly.  
He looked like he had just watched his foolish little brother dance around in a pink tutu.

"Hey… Itachi…?"

The red eyed prodigy's wide-eyed gaze shifted to Kisame and he drew in a large breath and nodded to show he was listening.

"Are… Are you okay?"

Kisame watched in fright as Itachi's terrified expression faded and was replaced ever so slowly, with a terrifying grin.

"Better than okay, Kisame."

After all, his Sharingan just memorized several new sexual techniques.


End file.
